


E. Cadbury's Definitive Guide to Piracy

by Kitkatkimble



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, F/F, Gen, M/M, watch me steal everyone's ocs all over again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitkatkimble/pseuds/Kitkatkimble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Author's Note: next time you want to get out of a city, presumably because you are a Dedicated Scientist, don't try to get hired onto a pirate ship. Especially don't do this if the crew is totally mad. REALLY do not do this if you want to keep those few brain cells you call your own.</p><p>Also, do not trust the author, he did all three of those.</p>
            </blockquote>





	E. Cadbury's Definitive Guide to Piracy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleaviatrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleaviatrix/gifts).



The _Busty Mermaid_ is, and Ev says this because he currently has the captain's dagger at his throat, a beautiful ship. Beautifully polished wood, elegant design, and large airy sails in a hilariously expensive shade of green. He didn't even know you could get sailcloth in green. But with the amount of money that the captain is rumoured to have, he's not really surprised.

"I'm just saying, darling," says said captain, "if you're going to sneak onto a ship, you should at least choose the one that _isn't_ obviously an illegal vessel. For the record. Although it is the prettiest."

"It is," he agrees, because he doesn't intend on dying today. "And I, um, I didn't mean to sneak on. I wanted to ask, well - are you hiring?"

The captain stares, and he stares back, and she withdraws her dagger and replaces it with a flamboyant twirl. He adjusts the strap of his satchel, and tries not to feel intimidated; he hunches over a little more, just in case.

"That depends, should I be?" The captain removes her hat, and an explosion of tumbling, golden blond curls falls. The roots - and a good few inches more - are a rich mahogany brown that gives her a particularly rakish air. "Do you want to be hired? I only take the best."

One of the crew members, presumably, chooses that moment to swing across the ship, fling himself into a beautiful swallow dive, and leap into the glittering green water of the harbour. Ev watches him go with his mouth agape, and the captain laughs at him, and reaches over to shut it.

"I'm an alchemist," he says. He opens his satchel to reveal the herbs and vials, and the tip of his journal poking out. "I'm, uh, I'm really just looking for more herbs? To experiment, with, but I mean - I used to be pretty good with exploding things. Probably still am. I know I am, I mean. Sorry."

The captain - he's really got to start looking up names before he goes to look for jobs - taps her lip. There's a ring in her nose. And her ear. And her eyebrow. She's wearing a horribly large amount of jewellery compared to Ev's ordinary shirt and vest, and he feels utterly underdressed in comparison. But she is a pirate. There's an image to maintain, there.

He isn't cut out to be a pirate. He's never _wanted_ to be a pirate, let alone a sailor, or frankly any job involving a boat. What with the Incident and the family business, it was all just too much. But Cirth is a small country, and the fastest way out and to other lands is by boat.

He'll take new and exciting alchemical and herbalist adventures over staying stuck in this _bloody_ city any day.

The _Busty Mermaid_ is not his first choice. It's actually the last ship in the harbour that he's visiting, because anything smaller is a waste of time or a fishing boat. But looking at it - and looking at the mishmash idea of a crew that keeps darting in and out - makes him feel a little less nervous. He couldn't say why. It's some nameless quality, no doubt.

"Personally," the captain says, resting her weight on one hip and reaching up to tie her hair into a messy topknot, "I'm not one for explosions. But go on. Do you know how to sail?"

"I used to."

"Can you swing a sword?" 

"Uh, no?"

"How smooth a talker are you?"

That one is a flat out, "Terrible."

She laughs, and shakes her head. "Well, you're honest, at least. Not a good quality in a pirate, though." 

"Probably not," he agrees, self-deprecatingly, and rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, look, I know I'm not really pirate material, but - I really want to get out of here. And I don't want money or anything - I mean it'd be nice, but I don't need it - I just want... anything else but here."

The captain's eyes twinkle, as she regards him thoughtfully, and he tries to make himself a little smaller to match her height.

"Do you have a name?" she asks, and he knows he's won.

"Ev - uh, Everett Cadbury."

He holds out a hand on instinct, and she smiles brilliantly as she takes it. Her earrings swing. "Charmed, Evuh Everett Cadbury. Captain Daniyah Rana, and yes, the Rana is important. There's an awful many Daniyah's out there." 

"I'm sure there are."

Daniyah Rana squints at him, as if to see past his nervous grin, then smiles and reaches up to pat his cheek. He wasn't expecting it, and jerks a little, but she doesn't react. "I'll take you on. Can you read maps, by any chance?"

"Uh, I can, sort of? I mean, I learnt, pretty well. It's not hard." 

"Do you learn fast?"

"Yeah, I - yeah." It's one thing he does know. He's smart.

She nods briskly, and bows, swinging an arm to gesture to the suddenly brighter expanse of ship. Ev doesn't know how she does it. It actually seems sunnier. "Welcome, Evuh Everett, to the _Mermaid."_

 

Daniyah Rana escorts Ev around the ship, pointing out the cabins and bunks, where the kitchen is, the various ropes and levels and all sorts of ship nonsense that Ev vaguely understands but doesn't really care to compartmentalise further than 'this is A and to get to B I go through corridor C.'

"There's a few of us on here," she says, looping her arm in his as if he were a high society lord and she a lady showing him around. "Obviously, I am the most important. I answer to Daniyah, Captain, Beloved Mistress of the Seas, and various other epithets. I do the captaining, and the talking, and the bribing. I also decide who gets what, when it comes to loot, so if you're clever, you'll be nice to me."

Ev laughs, a little nervously, and nods.

"That," Daniyah says, pointing to a large person hauling crates on and off the docking platform, "is Zuri. They're my main cannoneer; if you're interested in exploding things, then they're the one to talk to. Don't ask about the scars, do ask about the books."

Zuri turns, and Ev notices three long scars running up their cheek. It gives them an especially intimidating aura, which is only heightened by their height - Too Tall - and the way the sunlight reflects across their biceps.

He glances at Daniyah, who has rested her elbows on the railing on the side of the ship, and is watching Zuri with a gaze that is equal parts lovesick and lascivious. He looks between the two for a moment, then asks, "Are you two...?"

"What? Oh, together? Gracious, no. I'm something of a professional bicep admirer." Daniyah goes back to her admiring, and this time, Ev joins her, because Zuri really does have the most amazing biceps. "A fellow enthusiast?"

"Uh, mostly of the, um, literary kind, but yeah, I guess." He didn't realise peoples' muscles actually rippled. It's something of an epiphany.

"I think you and I are going to be good friends, Evuh Everett."

Zuri catches them, though, after a minute or so, and Ev feels himself flush to the tips of his ears. They just go back to stacking crates, but now there's a distinctly show-off-y air to them, and Daniyah stands with a pout. Ev follows her, but steals a look back. Zuri winks.

"Don't trust them," Daniyah adds, before slinging an arm around his waist. He's not sure what to do with himself, what to do with the easy, familiar tactility, so he tentatively lets his arm rest around her shoulders. She doesn't react, which he assumes is a good thing. "They cannot be bought, bribed, or beaten and they _will_ do what they like. Do not trust."

"Okay," Ev says, and decides to trust them anyway, because they have amazing biceps and, also, are good at exploding things.

Daniyah escorts him down from the upper deck and onto the main deck, where there's a stack of boxes from where Zuri has diligently been working away. A woman who Ev thinks looks oddly familiar is sitting on one, and knitting a brilliant purple scarf.

"Mum!" Daniyah says cheerfully, which makes Ev look between the two in mild confusion, since he's pretty sure they'd be the same age. "This is Evuh Everett Cadbury; Evuh, this is Scarlett "Mum" Farley, and I'm her favourite child, so hands off."

His eyes widen, and so do Scarlett's, and then he's rocketing forward and they're hugging and laughing and tearing up, and he only laughs more when he sees Daniyah's confused expression. 

"Ev?" Scarlett holds him out at arms length, knitting needles abandoned, and grins widely. She's got new scars, and she's taller - still shorter than him, though - but she's still the same Scarlett he remembers. "I thought - you always said you'd leave - y'know, go off, I thought you'd've - "

"I _am_ leaving," he says with a laugh, and she pulls him in for another backbreaking hug. "I - I can't believe it, I thought - you joined the navy, didn't you?"

Scarlett's voice turns a little strained, and she shrugs, saying, "Well, y'know - shit happens, right? Hooked up with the _Mermaid_ and the captain about six months ago. Been sailing with them ever since."

Ev nods, because he knows Scarlett'll tell him whatever story it is in her own time. He hasn't seen her since he was fourteen and stupid, and she was sixteen and stupid, and they're both, still, a bit stupid. But he has missed her, honest, and it's enough to see her face again.

"You've grown so _tall,"_ Scarlett says, and her laugh is radiant. He beams at her, and she yanks him down into a headlock and musses his hair. "God, Ev - I've missed you."

"Not that this isn't tugging my heart strings," Daniyah interrupts, "but how exactly do you two know each other? And why do I not get teary hugs?"

Scarlett snorts, and tousles Daniyah's hair. "We were - we're friends. Met each other when we were kids, 'fore I went off and got conscripted. It's been - shit, how long?"

"Nearly ten years," Ev says, slightly incredulously, and runs his hands along the top of his satchel, where his journal rests. It had been a parting gift from Scarlett, before she left, and he's been using it diligently since. Pages sewn in, pages stapled in. Whatever he could do to keep it going.

"How touching," Daniyah says, reclaiming his arm and smiling at Scarlett. He can't tell if it's a real smile or not, but it doesn't look unfriendly, and her voice sounds genuine. "The long lost friends meet again - it's positively nauseating. Come, before I fall ill, I've two others to show you."

She steers him away, but not before Scarlett gives him a nod, and jerks her thumb up at the sun. _Later._ They'll have plenty of time to talk, later. 

The inside of the ship is warm, with a weathered and experienced look to it. The wood is lighter than he was expecting, and there are portholes and lamps here and there that make it seem brighter than it ought; a long mirror spans one side of the room. There's fabric hanging here and there, brilliant colours and patterns and bits of embroidery and beading. He glances down at Daniyah, who seems to fit into her surroundings perfectly, and then back up.

"تعال الى هنا!" she says in a language Ev doesn't recognise, and there's a muffled sound of annoyance before a man wanders out of a side cabin. He's wearing dark glasses despite being inside, and his hand trails along the wood of the walls.

"أنا قادم، أنا قادم," he grumbles, sounding very much put upon. Daniyah laughs, and grabs his hand, tugging him over.

"Elyon, this is Evuh Everett. He's obnoxiously tall, skinner than you, and has quite a large nose." She reaches up and boops it gently, and Ev pulls a face. "It's a lovely nose, doll. Evuh, this is Elyon, he's our grandpa." 

"It's nice to meet you, Ev," says Elyon, and he takes off his glasses. His eyes are a soft brown, but Ev realises with a jolt that they also have a milky sheen to them; Elyon's blind. "I'm the ship medic. My assistant is... Dani, where's Mikey?"

"I thought you knew."

There's a pause, between the two of them, and Ev realises that maybe Mikey is not the sort of person you want to have missing.

"I saw someone diving off the boat? Earlier? Is that, uh, them?"

Elyon's shoulders stiffen, and then there's a bang, and the sound of wood hitting wood.

"Elyon, I lost my shirt again! Someone left trawlers and the ties got tangled and - oh, sorry, Captain, and uh, guest."

Mikey - he is, presumably, Mikey - draws to a halt, having shot into the room faster than a speeding bullet. He's dripping wet, water soaking into the floorboards beneath him, and very shirtless. Ev blinks. Daniyah makes a disgruntled noise.

"Ev," Elyon says, and he sounds about as tired as one man can sound, "this is my son, Mikey. Mikey, this is Ev. Thank you for that."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know today was Open Day." Mikey sounds affronted, but flashes Ev a truly wicked grin. Ev decides that Mikey is a good sort, but probably Satan. "Hi, Ev, nice to meet you. D'you have a shirt I can borrow? I don't think Elyon's gonna let me have one." 

"Don't," Elyon says, and he turns and makes his way back into the cabin he came out of. "I'll get you one. How many do you have left?" 

"Uh, two? Three? No, just two, my other one got used as a flag."

Ev turns to Daniyah and raises a singed eyebrow, and she shrugs, slinging her arm around his waist again. "They're always like this. You get used to it." She lowers her voice into a stage whisper. "They _love_ each other, did you know that?"

"I do not!" Mikey says, disgustedly, and folds his arms. "I just stick around because I don't want to be near Belinda."

There's a snort from Elyon's cabin, and he reappears with a bundle of white fabric. "He does." He holds it out, and Mikey grabs it, tugging it over his head with a little scowl. "Mikey, I need you to go find some more Feverfew, we used the last of the stocks last week." 

"Actually - " Ev blurts, and pulls up his satchel to dig through it. There's a bundle down the bottom, he remembers finding it and picking it just for safekeeping. "I've - here, I've got some, if you want it?"

Elyon pauses, then suddenly he smiles, a tiny little thing that crinkles the corner of his eyes. Ev beams back, even though Elyon can't see it, and holds out the packet of herbs. It has 'Feverfew' and the date of harvest written on the top in his red pen.

"That's very kind of you," Elyon says, and Mikey takes the packet of herbs gleefully and disappears into the cabin. Elyon tilts his head, then shakes it resignedly and smiles again. "Really. Thank you." 

"No, no, it's fine, I'm - I'm an alchemist, actually, I've got a lot of stuff lying around?" He shakes his bag, faintly, as if it will sound like herbs, but Elyon nods understandingly. "If you ever need anything, or..."

He trails off awkwardly, and Elyon picks up the thread with an ease that makes Ev feel oddly grateful. "I'll be sure to ask. I'd like to hear about alchemy, though, if you've got time someday."

"Wait, really?" Ev perks up, eyes widening a little, and a grin forms. "That's - really? I'd love to, if you - y'know, only if it's not annoying or anything, but - yeah. Yeah, that'd be great."

Elyon nods, and then there's the sound of something crashing, and he winces. "I've got to go watch Mikey. It's good to have you here, Ev." 

"Yeah," he replies, a little stupidly. "Yeah, you too. I mean - it's nice to meet you."

He stares for half a second, until Daniyah stands on her toes and waves a hand in front of his face with a light laugh. Her hat is back on again. It must have been at some point he wasn't paying attention. 

"Come on, sweetpea, lets get that foot of yours out of your mouth." She gently steers him back to the main deck. "You got any other bags?"

"Uh, no."

"Anything on shore you want?"

"No."

"Then you're hired." She slides down another thin staircase, and fishes a key from her pocket. "This is your cabin. Elyon and Mikey share, Zuri gets their own, so you'll be with Scarlett. Here's the other key. Don't lose it."

He grins, wide and honest, and looks down at her. Maybe this won't be so bad, after all. Daniyah Rana seems to be quite the unique character.

"Thank you," he says, fervently, and takes the key. It's an innocuous weight in his palm, but it feels heavier than his satchel. "Really."

"Don't thank me until you've seen what piracy is _actually_ like," she says, eyes dancing in amusement, and adjusts her hat. "See you at six bells, Evuh Everett."

"Aye aye, captain."

She laughs merrily, and disappears.

He turns to the door, looks down at the key, and unlocks it with a decisive _snk._

 

They leave the harbour at some point, while Ev is still figuring out how to get back up onto deck, but by the time he does there's an entirely new problem on their hands.

"We don't have supplies for another." 

"Do you think I don't know that?" That's Daniyah Rana's voice. "Zuri, how long have I been captain of this ship?"

"Two years."

"And how long have we been working together?"

"Five."

"Surely you know by now that I know what I'm talking about, and I also know that we can't go back to port now, so we'll have to keep him."

At first, Ev thinks they're talking about him; reasonably enough, he thinks, given that there's really no one else he can think of that they could be talking about. But when he pokes his head up, above deck, he sees a very nervous looking man in a horrible sweater, wringing his hands while Daniyah and Zuri talk on the other side of the deck. 

Ev, who doesn't understand but would like to, wanders over.

"Hi," he says, and the man looks up. "I, um, didn't see you earlier? Are you part of the crew, or...?"

The man shakes his head, vigourously, and his shoulders hunch in. He looks more than uncomfortable; he looks really, honestly scared, and clearly he's getting no help or sympathy from Daniyah and Zuri, so it falls on Ev to be the sensible one.

"No, no - I'm - I'm a dock worker, I - " He buries his hands in his sweater, and picks at the threads. His expression crumples. "I've got - I didn't mean to, I swear, I was loading cargo and - and I just - my sisters - " 

He breaks off, and his hands start shaking, so Ev raises his calmingly and tries to make himself smaller. "Hey, hey, it's alright. You're alright. I'm Ev. Who're you?"

"I'm - Ben. I'm Ben." Ben buries his head in the collar of his sweater, and only his curly hair is visible. "I'm - please - " 

"Ben," Ev says slowly, "I'm gonna go talk with the captain, real quick, and sort this out, okay? Everything's going to be fine."

Ben nods, wobbly and scared, and Ev gives him a worried look before moving over to Daniyah Rana.

She and Zuri are arguing again, but in hushed voices, and in that same language she was using with Elyon. At least, Ev thinks so; it _sounds_ the same, at least. Then again, he's not very good with foreign languages. Accents, yes. Languages, not so much.

"Um, Captain?" He takes a breath, and straightens a little. "Is Ben safe? You're - I mean, you're not going to kill him, right?"

"Ben?" She frowns at him, pushing her hat up out of her face, then her expression clears. "Oh, the worker? No, that's too much effort."

He stares at her, and she stares back, until he gives up and justifies it as, well, she _is_ a pirate. He shouldn't have expected stellar moral values. (He's disappointed, nonetheless. He had been starting to warm to Captain Daniyah Rana.)

"No," Daniyah says, and she folds her arms and cocks her hip. "We'll drop him off at the next port. He can make his own way back."

"He has sisters in port," Zuri says.

"I've got sisters in port and I don't care."

"I think they're relying on him," Ev says, then; "Captain, I don't - you know, want to overstep? But it's not fair if he just made a mistake and didn't get off the boat in time. Why can't you take him back to port?"

"Because," Daniyah says, whipping a spyglass out of nowhere and offering it to him with a flourish, "of _that."_

He raises it, and looks where she directs, and sees blue and gold sails. A naval ship, large and strong by the looks of it, perfectly kept and much bigger than the _Mermaid._ He flicks his gaze back to Daniyah, and she jerks her thumb.

" _That_ is the love of my life," she says, resting one elbow on her hip. She flicks her hand in Ben's direction. "If we go back to port for one lost little dock worker, then my favourite Sergeant - "

"Captain," Zuri interrupts. 

" - Rikke Hearthfire, will catch up to us, arrest my crew, and I will probably do the gallows tango. And I, sweet thing, cannot dance."

Daniyah saunters over to Ben, and hops up onto a few boxes in order to throw an arm around his shoulders and talk to him on eye level. He flinches back, a little, but watches her with wide eyes. Ev follows, nervously, because he doesn't really trust Daniyah, or Zuri, biceps or no. 

"Ben, darling," she says, smile glittering and eyes half-lidded. Ev flushes just by proximity. "I regret to say that we simply cannot turn back to port, but I'm sure we can sort something out. There are plenty of options for us to work with. I'm told you have sisters?"

"Y-yeah," Ben says, and Ev's heart aches for him. Ben looks like he's going to burst into tears in any minute. "They're - please, Captain, they're real small and I'm their only guardian, I can't leave them, they'll be so scared - " 

Daniyah pats his shoulder, and he falls silent. "Of course, of course. But, see, we _cannot_ return to port. However, let's discuss alternatives..."

Ev looks around. There's got to be an alternate solution to this; he knows that if Miran were in Ben's place, they'd want to get back to Stane, regardless of impending naval intervention. But, at the same time, Ev doesn't want anyone getting arrested. This ship is his only chance at getting out, really leaving, and he's loathe to jeopardise that.

He wanders over to the starboard side. There's a little dinghy, hanging off the side of the schooner, and a set of oars. They've barely left port; Zuri, certainly, has the upper body strength to make the trip there and back.

"Can't you take him back on the dinghy?" he asks, and Daniyah and Zuri exchange a glance that he can't read. Zuri looks as expressionless as they always seem to, and Daniyah looks doubtful.

"Do you want to?" she asks, and Zuri shrugs lazily.

"Maybe."

"Please, I'll do anything." Ben wrings his hands again, fingers curling in bright wool. How he can wear a sweater in such warm weather, Ev's not entirely sure, but it seems to comfort him. He tugs at the bottom of his waistcoat. "I don't - I don't have much money, but I can - I can build stuff, or something, I'm - " 

"Oh, hush, sweetheart," Daniyah says dismissively, and Ben hushes once again. "I want you off my ship as much as you do. Very well, Zuri, I want you to take him back to shore as soon as possible; if we're too far out, meet us at the usual location. Evuh, if I lose my best cannoneer to the Royal Fleet because of your suggestion, I'll do something we'll both regret. Capisce?" 

A series of nods - and a snort, from Zuri - and Daniyah hops off her boxes and adjusts her hat. She swans off back down towards her cabin, and leaves them to stare at each other in mild confusion.

"You heard the captain," Zuri drawls, and Ben starts. "Get the dinghy." 

"Yessir," Ev says under his breath, and he and Ben exchange a glance before going off to try and make a little bit less of a mess out of this.


End file.
